Thanks For Asking

So many of you have asked about, prayed for, and wished my dad well, that I want to post an update on his condition.  I probably should have answered every e-mail individually as they have come in, but some of what I am dealing with is too painful to state over and over again, so I simply couldn't reply.

As you know, my dad went to see the cardiologist this past Thursday, just a week or so shy of three months after the heart attack.  Concerning his cardio, everything looks great, and after a soon to be administered stress test (just to be sure) is performed, a clean bill of health should be issued.

I wish I were jumping up and down with joy, and could tell you life has or shortly will revert to normalcy, but I'm not, and can't because from here on out, "normal" will never be the same...

Something about my dad's heart attack, triggered in him an acute case of dementia.  The man who, as of two days prior to his attack, was getting up three days a week and going to work in an office of the state's D.O.T, no longer exists.  In his place is someone who can't remember anything... even me (sometimes).

At first there was a possibility that once all the drugs and trauma cleared his system, the "forgetfulness" would pass.  Not so.  Recent testing has confirmed his condition to be permanent and progressive.  There are still a couple more tests left to go, so no one has come right out and used the "A" word (Alzheimer's) yet, but I am pretty sure all the signs are there.  It's very, very sad.  My dad is now physically healthy, but mentally unsound.
 
In case you've wondered, my brother never did come home in October.  He felt I was doing such a grand job of handling things, that I could continue to do so until he could afford to make a permanent move vs. a visit.  He assures me this will be by February 1.  Hmmm...

In the meantime, I continue to be errand girl, taxi cab driver, and secretary for my parents.  Dad will never drive again, and due to macular degeneration, neither will my mother.  Between the two of them, there are lots of appointments (I swear every time we leave a doctor's office, we cross one appointment off the calendar, and write in two more), and as in anyone's life, there are also lots of errands - groceries, pharmacy, bank, barber, dentist, etc. 

I know I've told you before, but my parents live in rural Maine with access to nothing, and no neighbors or any other family members nearby.  For me, this means that every little thing needing to be done requires factoring in an hour of travel time.

Presently, I continue to face only one day at a time, setting priorities as to what the calendar has listed for that day... I remain unable to think too deeply about, or completely deal with the "big" picture...

Lest I make things sound too grim, however, I need add that God is always faithful.  He provides strength, courage, and wisdom as needed.  He has given me friends who uphold me in prayer, and those who let me know they sympathize with me, or are thinking about me.  He has supplied me with the greatest, most understanding husband I could ask for, and given me therapeutic work I LOVE... For all these things I am thankful and encouraged.  Yes, indeed, my journey is still very, very good, it's just not taking place on Easy Street...

Comments

[Linda C.]

Isn't God good! I prayed for you & your parents. I hope you will consider home health care or nursing home. You will not be any help to your parents if you are worn out!

[Denise]

You're in my prayers! I hope you can feel a little uplifted today...feeling that God is strengthening you.

[Sharon in NE]

I am on that same difficult road with my parents. My brothers, too, live many miles away and the one I always thought would be the decisionmaker and caretaker, the oldest, passed away from cancer, leaving us all in a state of "lost". But I know, God DOES provide the strength and the stamina and although I am often at my wits end, He sends relief just at the right time. (Please look into Home Health Care for a few hours a day. They can transport too.)

[TA\]

I can feel for you as the same exact thing happened to my mother and my sisters were only dictators on what I should do and how to do, let alone I have my own medical problems. I can say at the end I had no guilt and was glad I was able to do it for my mom. It is 6 years later and I miss her so much, but my sisters still have so much guilt that they aren't the same